It started out as a nice thought, but it seemed so distant. You know the kind I mean: When you think to yourself “that would be such a perfect thing, BUT”. That “but” tends to come in and crush dreams. “But it will take too much time/money/etc.” “But I’m just not ready for that right now.” And so on.
I can find all kinds of reasons not to follow my dreams and this was headed toward the same lame excuses. A while back I had taken a dance/fitness class called GROOVE (The Groove Method). The concept is to provide a class that helps participants express themselves through their own unique style of dancing, using simple moves that can be expanded on for creativity. The moment I started grooving in the class, I felt like it was calling me. I have had a passionate love affair with dance all of my life and this was something I could do – teach this class and give women and girls permission to express themselves through dance and leave feeling like they’ve experienced something more than just a good workout. I especially felt a longing to bring this class into the lives of women and girl survivors of trauma and abuse. I saw a true value and healing power in what a class like this could provide. BUT . . . I was still healing from my own trauma and didn’t feel ready to throw myself out there. The risks seemed too great. So, I let the “but” convince me that “later” would be a better time, knowing that “later” would not likely present itself without my willingness to say yes to it.
I watched a couple of opportunities to get my facilitator training come and go and was about to pass up another, when a turn of events just days before the training let me know the time was now. I could not believe how it all came together and I went for it. I felt like I had already conquered so much just by showing up. But my blessings had only begun to pour out! Before the class even began, I had already made passionate connections with several of my fellow classmates. We were women of different ages and backgrounds who shared a love for dancing and a desire to celebrate life and the people we experience in it. It felt so good to be there.
As we started dancing, I literally poured out sweat and tears from way down deep in my soul. Somewhere between the music, the movements, the expression and the presence of beauty and passion in the women dancing around me, I found myself. So many parts of me that had been lost came rushing towards me, embracing me like a lost child who had finally found its mother. I was at home in my body and enjoying a moment when I felt completely comfortable in my own skin – like I belonged there and deserved to enjoy being there!
As if that were not enough, I received another important gift that I have struggled with all of my life. Most of us as women desire to feel beautiful and sexy, however that may look to us, not so much the world and culture around us. I can’t speak for other women, but I personally have struggled with fear over what the consequences might be if I desire to look and feel beautiful and sexy. I don’t mean dressing provocatively to attract the wrong kind of attention or putting the emphasis on my hair, makeup, clothes, etc. I simply mean doing things and creating my own style that I can own and feel attractive in for my own personal satisfaction. We all need that as women and when it is missing from our lives, we don’t feel our optimal selves. Being able to move my body in a way that feels good to me in my soul in a safe environment, without being judged allowed me to leave any shame or fear on that dance floor and that is where I intend for them stay. I just needed permission (as many of us often do without even realizing it) to embrace it instead of fear it.
I received so much healing and my soul has experienced a revival. I am ready and willing to pass it on, even though the teaching part is still very much out of my comfort zone. As always, whenever I seek out a way to connect with and help others heal, I receive the most healing. I don’t know what kind of impact I may have on people with this class, but if I can give back even a fraction of what I have received from it, I will have done something to be proud of. So, to those of you who helped give me that extra push to take the risk and offered support and encouragement to sustain me through the self-doubts and fears (you know who you are) and to my God, who created me with unique gifts to glorify His name, thank you for helping me get my groove back!
