It was at the peak of chaos in an already tumultuous time in
my life and the fiery darts just didn’t seem to stop coming. I spent years fighting a war with a handful
of little stones of Hope and on that day, I felt like I had thrown the last stone…there was
nothing left but me and a bloodthirsty war.
And there I sat, in my driveway, head in my hands, tasting my tears of defeat,
unloading my cares onto the shoulders of God.
That’s when I saw it…a beetle lying on its back, unable to help himself
get on his feet. He was unquestionably stuck
in a deadly predicament, flailing his little extremities about vigorously. I watched as the motion of panic slowed in
his legs and I wondered what was being signified by that fading of movement…the
fading of panic or the fading of Hope?
My guess was the latter. I am
ashamed to say it, but before that moment, there was a good chance that I would
simply squash that beetle simply because I have defined them as ugly, creepy
creatures and I don’t want to share my personal space with all that
creepiness. But that day, I saw myself when
I looked at that beetle. He just needed
someone to come along and help him instead of try to squash him because of fear
or discomfort or whatever else he might evoke in other creatures.
So I gently flipped him over onto his feet and smiled as I
watched him scurry to the next opportunity.
I don’t know what was waiting for him…he could have been some bird’s
dinner that very evening or maybe he will outlive me and tell all of his great
grand beetles the story about how some creepy-looking giant saved him from peril. I just know that we all deserve a little help
now and then, for no other reason than the fact that we are human beings and we
are supposed to help each other. Sometimes
we will be the helper and at other times, we will be the one in need. I was trying to imagine how silly it would be
to hear that beetle say to me “Oh, don’t trouble yourself with all that effort
of turning me over…I will be fine. I got
this!”
Yeah……right.
Yet that’s what I want to do when I can’t seem to get on my
feet on my own. I want to pretend I don’t
need help and that it’s too much trouble for others to help me. The truth is…I don’t like feeling vulnerable
and in need. I don’t want to have to
trust people and I don’t want to believe that I just might be worth the support
or efforts of those around me…who love me or just want to help because they’ve
spent some time panicking on their crunchy backs in someone’s driveway before
and they understand that we can’t do LIFE all by ourselves.
That was less than two months ago. I am still in this storm, but I’m learning how
to stand in it and dig into the soil beneath my feet to brace myself when the
winds get rough. And when I get knocked
down, I’m getting up quicker and quicker and before I know it, I am smiling…even
laughing…knowing this too shall pass and as each day moves into the next, I am
getting further and further from the Egypt of my soul and I am less and less of a slave and
more and more myself because of what others are doing for me. We are
not self-made people. We are made by a
God who loves and cherishes us no matter what.
And we are here on this earth to give Him glory and we do that by loving
others like He loves us. Despite the
fact that we will always fall short of His display of love, we are not off the
hook to do our best with whatever and whomever we have to work with. So I want to humbly thank everyone
who has ever helped me or shown me love, friendship, support and kindness. I would have no strength at all if not for
your existence. Without you, I am bird
food at best.
