Sunday, January 1, 2012

Christmas Day, 2011 - Closing Thoughts

As I look back through nearly 400 pages of my journal for 2011, I can clearly see that this year did not go as I had planned or expected.  I can’t help but laugh at myself for even having an expectation for the year when I think about all the times God has repositioned my course about as fast as I could chart it!  This Christmas was more of the same - it did not go as planned.  I didn’t have the energy that I normally have for the holidays this year and half of what usually gets done did not come to pass.  There are still boxes of decorations sitting in the basement hallway that never got put up, Christmas letters yet to be addressed and pounds of holiday chocolates that were never made or given out (a longstanding family tradition of ours).  Martha Stewart would want to punch me in the mouth.  
Those things were smaller matters though (even for a Christmas-lover like me).  What I was most excited about were our plans to make Christmas more meaningful by serving those in greatest need in our community on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but a couple of viruses kept that from happening.  I was disappointed and unprepared for that and have been sitting here trying to think of something else we could do here at home that would help my daughters appreciate the gift of Christmas more than what they received in their stockings.  
I have been reminded that these things don’t happen in one day.  They happen over the days that make up a week, a month, a year and a lifetime.  We grow closer to Christ through our daily choices of whether or not we will spend time with Him or follow His lead.  It is our attitudes and what we choose to accept that make us more grateful for His willingness to leave His throne and face the torments & discomfort of living in earthly flesh just to pardon us from atrocities we would commit against our own Savior.  
So, on this Christmas Day, we are pausing in between the presents, the naps, the sore throat gargles and Pepto Bismol shots and the meal that some of us may or may not be able to eat to look back on what we have and have not done to stay connected to the One who gives us life and who leads us beside still waters even though we sometimes have to trudge through the swamp to get there.   We take a moment to pray for the strength to make real adjustments to our faith and for the understanding of what is at stake when we choose to act apart from His will .  
Very little in this life seems to go as we plan for them to.  Even last night, as I received an Amber Alert on my phone about a 2-year old boy who had been abducted by a murder suspect, my heart sunk and as  I thought about what this boy’s family was having to wrap their minds around on Christmas Eve.  I had little hope for his safe return home as each minute passed.  But I awoke to find that our prayers had been answered and this boy was indeed safe at home.  It made me think back to a few months ago to an extra-special gift that My Father poured out on me while chaperoning a middle-school field trip to a team-building obstacle course.  When I arrived and introduced myself to other parents who were also going along, I recognized one of the dads in the group, but could not place where I knew him from.  Later, I watched him and other students shouting out encouragement to his daughter who was climbing a tower in the pouring rain.  “Go Sam!”  They shouted.  Then it hit me.  I was suddenly taken back to when Sam was in the second grade and had been diagnosed with a brain tumor after having countless unexplained seizures and other complications.  She and her family endured a highly invasive brain surgery among countless days of hardship and worry.  I had taught some of her Bible classes, brought food to their house and my daughters and I had prayed constantly for this sweet girl, who was the same age as my own daughter.  The entire church was lifting them up in prayer and doing everything we could to encourage and support this struggling family but we all still felt so helpless.  We never plan on such a thing to happen to our own children.  But Sam pulled through the surgery and the last I knew, she had been doing well.  At some point, we lost touch with this family and I had no idea she and my oldest daughter were now attending the same middle school.  But there she was - the girl we cried over, prayed for and feared for - climbing a tower in the pouring rain while her classmates and father cheered her on.  As I stood there, face streaked with raindrops and tears, shouting out her name with everyone else, I felt like God was placing a priceless gift in my hand.  We don’t always get to see how our prayers may be answered but this was a special blessing that no amount of rain could water down.  I have seen her a couple of times at school since then.  She walks with a limp and one of her arms doesn’t move so well - the unfortunate aftermath of the severe brain surgery.  I am not sure if she has other complications as a result of all that her health has been through (but I suspect she does), but what I do know is that she is a far stronger person than I will ever be and I am inspired and encouraged by her humble, yet fighting spirit.  She reminds me that “I can” when I think “I can’t” and even more importantly that “God can”  when I think “He won’t”.  

Things will never go quite as I plan for them to, and when they don’t, I need to remember that I am not the one running this thing and that I was not put here for my own satisfaction and comfort.   This was not my favorite year - it was hard and 2012 does not promise to be any better but much fruit is being sown through these difficult times for His Glory.  I may never see most of that fruit in this life, but this is not the time to reap and feast.  The reaping and feasting wait for me at the finish line.  May we all be equipped for the tasks that lie ahead of us in 2012 and offer our hands to those who fall down weary in the middle of the field.  Unexpected blessings to you in 2012!