Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Journey Into Spring

She’s waiting on the juncos
In the coolness of the day
While autumn leaves are trickling down
Like glitter on parade

And there upon the frosted soil
A blanket fused in color
To quiet nature’s precious babes
And nurture like a mother

How sweet these quiet pleasures
That croon and captivate
Her senses lost in luxury
A gift to she who waits

And who, but her Creator
Would think of such sweet things
To lavish on her weakened soul
While Autumn climbs to Spring

And even as the last leaf falls
And the juncos take their places
The countenance of winter’s sting
Has taken on new faces

She’s clothed in brazen layers
That offer firm protection
Now only beauty touches her
As snow falls like affection

In twilight’s sparkling silence
The snowflakes tell her stories
A balm for all her fears of Spring
That steal the season’s glory

And now the tulips poke their heads
Up from the sleepy ground
Her heart laments with violent beats
Yet cannot make a sound

Then colors new and delicate
Undress her deepest fears
As she makes love to Beauty there
And rains victorious tears!

- Karen Davis King

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Dear Weakness . . .

Dear Weakness,

I am writing to you to apologize and beg your forgiveness.  I have a confession to make.  I have harbored a special hatred for you all of my life because I misunderstood who you were and what your purpose and intentions were.

But today I finally understood.

I always felt threatened and afraid of you because you made me feel so inadequate and useless.  You were always in my face reminding me of all that I couldn’t do.  I thought you were taunting me and that you enjoyed seeing me paralyzed by fear, but today I saw you with new eyes.  I saw you as a loving mother sees her innocent, growing child.  Right before me, you became a precious thing to be embraced.  I no longer need to hate you or ignore you in order to like myself.  I know who you are and therefore, I know who I am.

I’m sorry for all of the times I slandered you, beat you into a corner, ignored you, belittled you, and every other way I have mistreated you.  I didn’t know that you came bearing gifts in Love.  I didn’t know you had been sent as a messenger from God to keep me close to Him.  I didn’t know then all of the good things that would come from the “unwanted” gifts you brought.  But today, I know and I approach you with my white flag.  I come in peace and I surrender. 

Beauty for Ashes,


Your Stronger Self

Friday, October 14, 2011

The Perfect Parent

My day had begun much like other days.  I fueled my spirit with God’s word and a lively conversation with Him about all of my concerns, joys, sorrows and fears, followed by a heart-pumping workout to send me into my day with energetic vigor.  These two things – time with God and physical exercise – breathe new life into my mind, body and soul.  When my day begins this way, I feel ready for anything.  And, like many days that get off to a powerful start, I grow weaker and less energetic as the day wears on.  How often I have left my home and arrogantly looked out at the world around me with a daring sentiment: “BRING IT!”  And how often I have found myself humbled by lunchtime! 

This day was no different.  I went into it feeling especially equipped to handle whatever my ever-changing tween was going to throw at me.  I had been struggling to understand and “cure” her more recent behavior and attitudes and I had prayed for everything from patience and wisdom, to enough common sense not to be outsmarted by her (again).   I was lifted up and I believed firmly that God was going to guide me through the mine field and that my daughter and I would come out unscathed, having “done it right” this time.   I was ready to do God’s will, confident in His direction and fully equipped for the battle . . . and then she came home from school.

Everything I had pictured in my mind flew out the door when she came through it.  As our brief conversation about school, friends and other topics moved to homework and practicing guitar, things quickly changed and progressed into a downward spiral.  I left her alone in her room to engage in her more recent sulking ritual that seems to take up more time than actual homework and at some point during that process, I heard the thumpings of a temper tantrum coming from her room and that’s when I snapped.  I did not stop to consider what was going on in my heart to make me react so strongly to her behavior, nor did I allow myself any buffer time before I threw open her door and joined her in her tantrum.  She had thrown around a box that her sister had bought for her and the beating had broken the top clean off.  It pains me greatly to admit what happened next.  I did not hesitate to follow her example instead of leading with the maturity and patience she needed.  I simply asked if she was sure she was done with her tantrum as I flung the box across the room for one last flight . . . right as her sister stepped into the doorway to witness the whole ugly thing.  At that moment, I was engulfed in the aftermath of Hurricane Karen with one child crying and one child looking at me like I was the grim reaper coming to collect her soul.  A blanket of shame swept over me and I was poised to give myself a brutal inner beating.  I suddenly knew what Adam & Eve felt when God came calling after they had eaten the forbidden fruit.   I was exposed and ashamed.

I knew I couldn’t just stand there, so I apologized to both of them and told them that I needed to regroup so that the situation would not worsen.  They were more than happy to oblige.  I wanted to hide from God because I knew He saw it all and He was calling for me . . . “What went wrong, Karen?”  I took off running – literally.  I ran through my neighborhood, listening over and over again to the same song – How He Loves Us.   The song kept pouring the truth about God’s grace into my heart until I was completely drenched in it. 

In addition to those beautiful words and music, I was hearing God tell me that I lost sight of Him in that exchange and that He loves me with a fierce love no matter how many times I get it wrong.  He was telling me to try again – that the day isn’t over and neither is His work in me.  God knew that I was never going to be able to make it authentically right without first receiving His grace.  Once we had taken care of that, I was able to approach my girls with humility, minus the hovering cloud of shame that typically accompanies my apologies.  There is one line out of that powerful song that puts it all in perspective for me:  “I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us.”  It drove home the point that if we are focused on His love for us, our regrets lose all their power over us and we are free to move forward without dragging the weight of our mistakes behind us.  I am finally coming to “believe” what I’ve always known.

Looking back, I am grateful for this particular parental fowl because it gave me an opportunity to share with both of my daughters what grace looks like when we are truly able to “accept” it.  We cannot pass it on to others if we don’t first accept it for ourselves.  As always, my heavenly Father has brought much fruit and beauty out of my failures, ugliness and inadequacies.   Oh How He Loves Us . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxTOsQ3LDE4