Hope on its Feet

It was at the peak of chaos in an already tumultuous time in my life and the fiery darts just didn’t seem to stop coming.  I spent years fighting a war with a handful of little stones of Hope and on that day, I felt like I had thrown the last stone…there was nothing left but me and a bloodthirsty war.  And there I sat, in my driveway, head in my hands, tasting my tears of defeat, unloading my cares onto the shoulders of God.  That’s when I saw it…a beetle lying on its back, unable to help himself get on his feet.  He was unquestionably stuck in a deadly predicament, flailing his little extremities about vigorously.  I watched as the motion of panic slowed in his legs and I wondered what was being signified by that fading of movement…the fading of panic or the fading of Hope?  My guess was the latter.  I am ashamed to say it, but before that moment, there was a good chance that I would simply squash that beetle simply because I have defined them as ugly, creepy creatures and I don’t want to share my personal space with all that creepiness.  But that day, I saw myself when I looked at that beetle.  He just needed someone to come along and help him instead of try to squash him because of fear or discomfort or whatever else he might evoke in other creatures.

So I gently flipped him over onto his feet and smiled as I watched him scurry to the next opportunity.  I don’t know what was waiting for him…he could have been some bird’s dinner that very evening or maybe he will outlive me and tell all of his great grand beetles the story about how some creepy-looking giant saved him from peril.  I just know that we all deserve a little help now and then, for no other reason than the fact that we are human beings and we are supposed to help each other.  Sometimes we will be the helper and at other times, we will be the one in need.  I was trying to imagine how silly it would be to hear that beetle say to me “Oh, don’t trouble yourself with all that effort of turning me over…I will be fine.  I got this!”

Yeah……right. 

Yet that’s what I want to do when I can’t seem to get on my feet on my own.  I want to pretend I don’t need help and that it’s too much trouble for others to help me.  The truth is…I don’t like feeling vulnerable and in need.  I don’t want to have to trust people and I don’t want to believe that I just might be worth the support or efforts of those around me…who love me or just want to help because they’ve spent some time panicking on their crunchy backs in someone’s driveway before and they understand that we can’t do LIFE all by ourselves.

That was less than two months ago.  I am still in this storm, but I’m learning how to stand in it and dig into the soil beneath my feet to brace myself when the winds get rough.  And when I get knocked down, I’m getting up quicker and quicker and before I know it, I am smiling…even laughing…knowing this too shall pass and as each day moves into the next, I am getting further and further from the Egypt of my soul and I am less and less of a slave and more and more myself because of what others are doing for me.   We are not self-made people.  We are made by a God who loves and cherishes us no matter what.  And we are here on this earth to give Him glory and we do that by loving others like He loves us.  Despite the fact that we will always fall short of His display of love, we are not off the hook to do our best with whatever and whomever we have to work with.  So I want to humbly thank everyone who has ever helped me or shown me love, friendship, support and kindness.  I would have no strength at all if not for your existence.  Without you, I am bird food at best.